Ioman
03-11-2003, 11:39 AM
Some oldies but goodies you might not have seen:
>FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES
>
>How many men does it take to open a beer?
>None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
>----------------------------------------
>Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a
>woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be
>able to support you.
>----------------------------------------
>Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
>closer to the kitchen sink.
>----------------------------------------
>How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she
>starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
>----------------------------------------
>How do you fix a woman's watch?
>You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
> ----------------------------------------
>Why do men break wind more than women?
>Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
>pressure.
>----------------------------------------
>If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
>front door, who do you let in first?
>The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>----------------------------------------
>What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
>A woman who won't do what she's told.
> --------------------------------------
>I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>----------------------------------------
>I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt
>her.
>---------------------------------------
>Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
>drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
>----------------------------------------
>Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
>----------------------------------------
>Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
>I said, "Dust!"
> ----------------------------------------
>In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God
>created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither
>God
>nor Man has rested.
> ------------------------------------------
>Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
>----------------------------------------
>A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
>said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
>She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
>----------------------------------------
>Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
>man
>doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
>Dad: That happens in every country, son.
>----------------------------------------
>A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
>Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all
>said
>the same thing: "You can have mine."
> ----------------------------------------
>The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
>once.
>----------------------------------------
>Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
>with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
>FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES
>
>How many men does it take to open a beer?
>None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
>----------------------------------------
>Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a
>woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be
>able to support you.
>----------------------------------------
>Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
>closer to the kitchen sink.
>----------------------------------------
>How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she
>starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
>----------------------------------------
>How do you fix a woman's watch?
>You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
> ----------------------------------------
>Why do men break wind more than women?
>Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
>pressure.
>----------------------------------------
>If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
>front door, who do you let in first?
>The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>----------------------------------------
>What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
>A woman who won't do what she's told.
> --------------------------------------
>I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>----------------------------------------
>I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt
>her.
>---------------------------------------
>Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
>drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
>----------------------------------------
>Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
>----------------------------------------
>Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
>I said, "Dust!"
> ----------------------------------------
>In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God
>created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither
>God
>nor Man has rested.
> ------------------------------------------
>Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
>----------------------------------------
>A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
>said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
>She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
>----------------------------------------
>Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
>man
>doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
>Dad: That happens in every country, son.
>----------------------------------------
>A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
>Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all
>said
>the same thing: "You can have mine."
> ----------------------------------------
>The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
>once.
>----------------------------------------
>Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
>with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.