IronSerif
04-12-2003, 10:58 PM
Well, I really didn't learn anything tonight, which also means there are no morals to any stories tonight. So, on to the funnies!
Enjoy!
2am funny flash stuff of the night:
1st flash thing- Here's a lil flash about How to Crap in the Woods (http://www.flasharcade.com/game.cgi?crapinthewoods). Open your minds...I'm sure we can all learn something.
2nd flash thing- This is awesome, it's about how different famous people explaining their thoughts on Why The Chicken Crossed the Road (http://www.funnydoodle.com/funpages/f-40.htm). The Bible and Erry Falwells explanations were funny :)
3rd flash thing- Ok, this one is not for the weak hearted. At first, you're thinking awww...soo cute! And then BAM, you're wrong. Don't know what I'm talking about? Well check out Pentunia's summertime adventures (http://web.dkm.cz/koplih/htf/Petunia%20Smoochie.swf). Not what you expect..I'm telling ya...
4th flash thing- One thing that always humors me, are those switch to mac clips, and one thing that humors me more is the parody clips! This one is for a special someone ;) because it's another Switch to Mac clip (http://www.ubergeek.tv/switchback/). I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did hehe
5th flash thing- This is humerous (at least to me!). Basically, you take this kid to a hospital, and preform different surgical operations on him. Here is The Malpractice Flash thing (http://www.peesack.com/cartoons/malpractice/malpractice.html). Try to make it through the "hair transplant", I bet you can't do it :P
2am funny misc. stuff of the night:
1st misc thing- Here is some Star Wars Trilogy humor (http://simonandfriends.action-figure.net/trilogyhumor.html) done in the form of posable action figures. I don't know if there is any real point behind it besides some sort of humor and a guess appearance by Buzz Light Year and Spiderman...lol
2nd misc thing- Sometimes you just feel in that abstract mood or just want to find out what kind of personality you have. If tonight is one of those nights, then take this little personality test (http://www.funnydoodle.com/funpages/f-39.htm). Basically they list a few pictures, you pick one, and based on what you chose it tells you about your personality. What can I say...
2am funny jokes of the night:
1st joke-
Cows Theory
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes one and gives it to someone else.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you the milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREACRACY:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, kills one and spills the milk in the sewage system.
CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option to purchase one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.
SINGAPORE DEMOCRACY:
You have 2 cows. The government fines you for keeping 2 unlicensed animals in an apartment.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you 2 cows if you vote for them. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have 2 cows. You feed them sheep's brain and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
RUSSIAN DEMOCRACY:
You are still queuing for the first cow.
IRAQI DEMOCRACY:
You cannot inspect the 2 cows.
MALAYSIAN DEMOCRACY:
The cows are now controlled from grazing and you are jailed for being unfit to rear cows.
JAPANESE DEMOCRACY:
You have 2 cows. You give the milk for gangsters so they don't ask awkward questions about whom you are giving the milk to.
2nd joke-
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
3rd joke-
A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog.
A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his *ss."
4th joke-
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passangers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.
Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs.
Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her undies.
Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis." Naturally, all three fork over the money, and then the girl turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, "There!"
5th joke-
Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room, discovered that they had a lot in common. Eventually, they abandoned the chat room for a more intimate correspondence. After months of virtual kinkiness, the two decided to meet each other face-to-face at a small cafe.
Bunny arrived a little late. One customer, a short, frail man with an eye patch, sat at the back of the cafe.
"Are you Bob?" asked Bunny.
"Yes I am," said Bob.
"Unbelievable!" Bunny exclaimed. "You told me you were tall, dark and handsome."
"How do you think I feel?" Bob asked, his face turning red with shame.
"You told me you were skinny, blonde, and... FEMALE!"
2am funny view at your own discretion and risk material of the nigiht:
First...
Disclaimer: I would have to say that
these two are more adult oriented just because of the langauge and content involved (nothing sexual). So, view it at your own discretion and risk.
1st view at your own discretion and risk thing-
I don't know what it is, but I've always loved Castlevania. And now, you can play the flash game of Castlevania II: Priest Battle (http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/Castlevania/default.asp). Basically you fight a priest from Castlevania II, and then when you beat him, you face Jesus! I haven't beaten Jesus yet, so I don't know what happens...lol. Good luck!
2nd view at your own discretion and risk thing- This is just hilarious, I don't know if it's the bad impression of Arnold Swarzenegger, or the bad animation, or whatever, it's just hilarious :) As said earlier, view at your own discretion and risk due to the language/content. Arnie's Pizza Shop (http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/arnie.htm)
Goodnight everyone!
Enjoy!
2am funny flash stuff of the night:
1st flash thing- Here's a lil flash about How to Crap in the Woods (http://www.flasharcade.com/game.cgi?crapinthewoods). Open your minds...I'm sure we can all learn something.
2nd flash thing- This is awesome, it's about how different famous people explaining their thoughts on Why The Chicken Crossed the Road (http://www.funnydoodle.com/funpages/f-40.htm). The Bible and Erry Falwells explanations were funny :)
3rd flash thing- Ok, this one is not for the weak hearted. At first, you're thinking awww...soo cute! And then BAM, you're wrong. Don't know what I'm talking about? Well check out Pentunia's summertime adventures (http://web.dkm.cz/koplih/htf/Petunia%20Smoochie.swf). Not what you expect..I'm telling ya...
4th flash thing- One thing that always humors me, are those switch to mac clips, and one thing that humors me more is the parody clips! This one is for a special someone ;) because it's another Switch to Mac clip (http://www.ubergeek.tv/switchback/). I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did hehe
5th flash thing- This is humerous (at least to me!). Basically, you take this kid to a hospital, and preform different surgical operations on him. Here is The Malpractice Flash thing (http://www.peesack.com/cartoons/malpractice/malpractice.html). Try to make it through the "hair transplant", I bet you can't do it :P
2am funny misc. stuff of the night:
1st misc thing- Here is some Star Wars Trilogy humor (http://simonandfriends.action-figure.net/trilogyhumor.html) done in the form of posable action figures. I don't know if there is any real point behind it besides some sort of humor and a guess appearance by Buzz Light Year and Spiderman...lol
2nd misc thing- Sometimes you just feel in that abstract mood or just want to find out what kind of personality you have. If tonight is one of those nights, then take this little personality test (http://www.funnydoodle.com/funpages/f-39.htm). Basically they list a few pictures, you pick one, and based on what you chose it tells you about your personality. What can I say...
2am funny jokes of the night:
1st joke-
Cows Theory
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes one and gives it to someone else.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you the milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREACRACY:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, kills one and spills the milk in the sewage system.
CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option to purchase one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.
SINGAPORE DEMOCRACY:
You have 2 cows. The government fines you for keeping 2 unlicensed animals in an apartment.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you 2 cows if you vote for them. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have 2 cows. You feed them sheep's brain and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
RUSSIAN DEMOCRACY:
You are still queuing for the first cow.
IRAQI DEMOCRACY:
You cannot inspect the 2 cows.
MALAYSIAN DEMOCRACY:
The cows are now controlled from grazing and you are jailed for being unfit to rear cows.
JAPANESE DEMOCRACY:
You have 2 cows. You give the milk for gangsters so they don't ask awkward questions about whom you are giving the milk to.
2nd joke-
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
3rd joke-
A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog.
A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his *ss."
4th joke-
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passangers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.
Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs.
Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her undies.
Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis." Naturally, all three fork over the money, and then the girl turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, "There!"
5th joke-
Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room, discovered that they had a lot in common. Eventually, they abandoned the chat room for a more intimate correspondence. After months of virtual kinkiness, the two decided to meet each other face-to-face at a small cafe.
Bunny arrived a little late. One customer, a short, frail man with an eye patch, sat at the back of the cafe.
"Are you Bob?" asked Bunny.
"Yes I am," said Bob.
"Unbelievable!" Bunny exclaimed. "You told me you were tall, dark and handsome."
"How do you think I feel?" Bob asked, his face turning red with shame.
"You told me you were skinny, blonde, and... FEMALE!"
2am funny view at your own discretion and risk material of the nigiht:
First...
Disclaimer: I would have to say that
these two are more adult oriented just because of the langauge and content involved (nothing sexual). So, view it at your own discretion and risk.
1st view at your own discretion and risk thing-
I don't know what it is, but I've always loved Castlevania. And now, you can play the flash game of Castlevania II: Priest Battle (http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/Castlevania/default.asp). Basically you fight a priest from Castlevania II, and then when you beat him, you face Jesus! I haven't beaten Jesus yet, so I don't know what happens...lol. Good luck!
2nd view at your own discretion and risk thing- This is just hilarious, I don't know if it's the bad impression of Arnold Swarzenegger, or the bad animation, or whatever, it's just hilarious :) As said earlier, view at your own discretion and risk due to the language/content. Arnie's Pizza Shop (http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/arnie.htm)
Goodnight everyone!