Funnies: Week of 09-28-03

[IronSerif]

I have to be a man about this...

I saw the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" tonight. :rolleyes:

She wanted to see it, so I was forced into it, took a hit for the team...saw a chic flick! (of sorts)

That's ok though...I drag her with me to see all the movies I wanted to see...so I guess it's ok if we watch a movie she wants to...just this once! ;)

Back to happier thoughts..

On to the funnies, enjoy!

<sucking up>
P.S. if "you" are reading this, I enjoyed the movie, good choice!
</sucking up>

[IronSerif]

So are you a WiFi nut? Need to have a wireless connection at school, McDonalds, the bathroom, the baseball field? Well I suggest you load up on some WiFi Speed Spray!!! (http://j-walk.com/other/wifispray/index.htm)

This stuff works wonders!

"WiFi Speed Spray™ can overcome the effects of pollution, increase fidelity, and provide you with the fastest wireless data transfer possible"

Still not convinced? Well scroll down to the bottom and look at the scientific facts and algorithms.

[IronSerif]

I really can't describe this in my own words...so here is a lil snip:

"Are you a man who enjoys shopping, snappy shoes and a crisply starched buttondown? Have you ever frosted your hair or bought a pair of low rise bootcuts? Do you prefer a good martini over a sudsy draft? Get with it hipsters, you may be a metrosexual."

You know you want to find out more....so click here and take the test (http://sports.espn.go.com/chat/sportsnation/quiz?event_id=418)

Don't worry...Derek Jeter, David Beckham, and Mike Modano are Metrosexual...

Here's a short list of famous guys that are. (http://espn.go.com/page2/s/gallery/metros.html)

[IronSerif]

This has to be the greatest invention I've seen since the glow in the dark toilet seat.

It's a Toilet Seat that has LED's going all around it. This is so great.

Check it out!! (http://www.kiss-textil.de/galactikaen.htm)

Now you can move the party to the bathroom :)

[IronSerif]

A buddy at work sent me this lil flash animation today. Basically it's about a "Super Pope" who saves people from demons.

This looks like it's the first episode, calledCan't keep a bad demon down (http://www.planetnintendo.com/superpope/spep1.html). Could be a smash hit...I sorta felt like I was watching that Dragon Ball Z cartoon for a min...lol.

Can't wait for Episode 2! Maybe he'll "Power up" or something to that effect.

[IronSerif]

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.

"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

[IronSerif]

Two guys rob a store, they burst out the door running as they hear the sirens of cop cars coming closer. The two dive into two separate bushes hoping they won't get caught. Soon the cop cars stop near the bushes and the two robbers hearing foot steps grow more nervous. A cop then grabs one of the guys out the bush laughing "Busted". As he drags the robber off he looks back shaking his head in shame... "Come on John!!!!!!!!" he screams "They got US!"

[Archon]

Originally posted by IronSerif
A buddy at work sent me this lil flash animation today. Basically it's about a "Super Pope" who saves people from demons.

This looks like it's the first episode, calledCan't keep a bad demon down (http://www.planetnintendo.com/superpope/spep1.html). Could be a smash hit...I sorta felt like I was watching that Dragon Ball Z cartoon for a min...lol.

Can't wait for Episode 2! Maybe he'll "Power up" or something to that effect.

w00t! JP! JP!

[ECA]

True story.
A thief bashes a window to store, grabs alot of jewelry. The cops come around the corner and give persuit. The thief jumps over a wall, thru hedge, over back fences, but the cop(about 150' away) continues persuit. Down alleys, over more walls, and fences. and the cop is still chasing him.
The thief cant figure how the cop is keeping track of him.
Finally the cop catches him, hiding in a bush.
the thief asks, How did you keep up with me and find me, we ran 2 miles and I couldnt loose you.
The cop looks at him and says, next time you want to steal something, Dont wear those sneakers with the lights on them when you run.

[brianj]

Originally posted by IronSerif
I really can't describe this in my own words...so here is a lil snip:

"Are you a man who enjoys shopping, snappy shoes and a crisply starched buttondown? Have you ever frosted your hair or bought a pair of low rise bootcuts? Do you prefer a good martini over a sudsy draft? Get with it hipsters, you may be a metrosexual."

You know you want to find out more....so click here and take the test (http://sports.espn.go.com/chat/sportsnation/quiz?event_id=418)

Don't worry...Derek Jeter, David Beckham, and Mike Modano are Metrosexual...

Here's a short list of famous guys that are. (http://espn.go.com/page2/s/gallery/metros.html)

I got one right! I got one right!:D

[ECA]

got a 1, but WHY?
Correct Answer: A re-read of an old classic
Pacper backs of old sci fi, and fantasy?

[Archon]

thats the 1 I got right, lol

[ECA]

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/cx/uc/20030929/ga/ga030929l.gif

[ECA]

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/cx/uc/20030929/nq/nq030929l.gif

[IronSerif]

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

[IronSerif]

Originally posted by ECA
got a 1, but WHY?
Correct Answer: A re-read of an old classic
Pacper backs of old sci fi, and fantasy?

We won't even mention how many I got right :-P

[IronSerif]

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."

[IronSerif]

How many forum members does it take...
Question: How many forum users does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer:

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

53 to flame the spell checkers

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another
6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in
violation of their "acceptable use policy"

109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped

111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this forum

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including
all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

[IronSerif]

I heard this one today and I just started rolf :)

A little girl says, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister."

Trying to be funny, the daddy says, "Honey, you do have a sister."

"I do?" questions the confused youngster.

"Sure," responds the dad, "You just don't see her because when you are coming in the front door, she is always leaving through the back door."

The little girl gave this a few moments thought and remarked, "You mean like my other Daddy does?"

[Archon]

ehehehe.

didnt someone post that lightbulb thing before?

[IronSerif]

Originally posted by Archon
ehehehe.

didnt someone post that lightbulb thing before?

yeah maybe, it definitely sounded familiar when I was reading through it lol! Maybe I posted it before :P

[ECA]

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/cx/uc/20031002/nq/nq031002l.gif

[ECA]

http://www.comics.com/comics/hedge/archive/images/hedge2003092116168.jpg

[ECA]

http://www.comics.com/comics/roseisrose/archive/images/roseisrose2003092116168.jpg

[ECA]

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/cx/uc/20031003/nq/nq031003l.gif

[IronSerif]

lol good stuff bro :)

[IronSerif]

Just got this in an email:

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire plant behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides that he should see this for himself so the two men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there, the line is so backed up that there are Elmos all over the floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands the new employee. She has a roll of red plush fabric and a big bag of marbles. The men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face," but I think you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give each Elmo two test tickles."

[Archon]

nyahahaha...