ECA
10-14-2003, 09:49 PM
> 1.Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
>
> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar.
> The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
>
> 3. A sandwich walks into a bar.
> The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
>
> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
> "A beer please, and one for the road."
>
> 6. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
> The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
>
> 7. Two cannibals are eating a clown.
> One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
>
> 8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
> "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
> "Is it common?"
> "It's not unusual."
>
> 9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
> Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
> "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
> "It's true, no bull!" Exclaimed Daisy.
>
> 10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Saran Wrap shorts.
> The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
>
> 11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
> One says, "I've lost my electron."
> The other says, "Are you sure?"
> The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
>
> 12. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull**** before.
>
> 13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
> "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
> "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
> So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
> Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
> "Why?, Because he's cross-eyed?"
> "No, because he's really heavy"
>
> 14. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
> And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
> It's either my mom or my dad...
> or maybe my older brother Colin.
> Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu.
> But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
>
> 15. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
> find any.
>
> 16. I went to the butcher the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
> couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
> He said, "no, the steaks are too high."
>
> 17. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
> He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
> The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
>
> 18. I went to a seafood disco party last week.... and pulled a mussel.
>
> 19. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
in
> the craft, it sank,
> proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
>
> 20. A man walks into doctor's office.
> "What seems to be the problem?"asks the doc.
> "It's... um...well... I have five penises" replies the man.
> "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
> "Like a glove."
>
> 21. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
> A fsh.
>
> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar.
> The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
>
> 3. A sandwich walks into a bar.
> The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
>
> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
> "A beer please, and one for the road."
>
> 6. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
> The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
>
> 7. Two cannibals are eating a clown.
> One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
>
> 8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
> "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
> "Is it common?"
> "It's not unusual."
>
> 9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
> Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
> "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
> "It's true, no bull!" Exclaimed Daisy.
>
> 10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Saran Wrap shorts.
> The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
>
> 11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
> One says, "I've lost my electron."
> The other says, "Are you sure?"
> The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
>
> 12. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull**** before.
>
> 13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
> "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
> "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
> So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
> Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
> "Why?, Because he's cross-eyed?"
> "No, because he's really heavy"
>
> 14. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
> And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
> It's either my mom or my dad...
> or maybe my older brother Colin.
> Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu.
> But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
>
> 15. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
> find any.
>
> 16. I went to the butcher the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
> couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
> He said, "no, the steaks are too high."
>
> 17. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
> He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
> The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
>
> 18. I went to a seafood disco party last week.... and pulled a mussel.
>
> 19. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
in
> the craft, it sank,
> proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
>
> 20. A man walks into doctor's office.
> "What seems to be the problem?"asks the doc.
> "It's... um...well... I have five penises" replies the man.
> "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
> "Like a glove."
>
> 21. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
> A fsh.