Funnies: Week of 11-09-03

[IronSerif]

Everyone has seen Matrix Revolutions, right? :P If not, go see it! Or you can always go see Elf...or Brother Bear...or you can go rent the Hillary Duff movie.

Choices choices choices!

Time for the funnies!

Enjoy :)

[IronSerif]

Sometimes I have a hard time thinking what I should use to start off the funnies. Sometimes I like starting them off kinda easy, and then slowly building it up.

But then there are times where you just wanna start off with a big'ol *KKAABBBBOOOMMMM*

I think tonight will be one of those nights...

Watch this crazy stuffed Ape (http://affe.rnsystems.de/version1.html) get jiggy with it. I'm gonna have to invite this stuffed ape to all of my parites now...lol!

Actually now that I think about it...instead of a big'ol *KKAABBBOOOMMM* this is more like a "Oh...wow....wth...?"

:P

[IronSerif]

And in honor of Matrix Revolutions opening up this week...

Here is a parody flash about the Matrix!

I bring to you...The Meatrix! (http://www.bancruelfarms.org/meatrix/)

Hmm....

[IronSerif]

So are you the type of person that loves to buy new toys but really has no idea what they're doing? Do you kinda get lost when you're talking to the sales person or reading the specs of a product?

Well I'm here to help!

Here is the first part of "High Tech Computer Sales Jargon - Explained"



ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturers cost cut to the bone.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesnt understand it.

ITS HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works.

REVOLUTIONARY - Its different from our competitiors.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it.

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others.

MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix.

[IronSerif]

I love advertisements. I love parody and spoof advertisements even better :)

So needless to say....this definitely makes my night.

Here are 12 pages (http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=1675) of spoof iPod advertisements.

This is just so great :)

Maybe if I remember, I'll post the other pages throughout the week...cause they are definitely worth taking a look at!

[IronSerif]

Game time!!!

Time to play Megaroids! (http://www.globalarcade.org/mergeroid/index.html)

Some sort of outerspace shooting game...where the flying targets are...corporate advertisements???

[IronSerif]

As I said earlier...I love parodies and spoofs! I can sit here and watch them all day long.

Click here to view (http://homepage.mac.com/evanbaumgardner/iMovieTheater8.html) a video clip of Will Ferrels version of a "switch" spoof ad.

One of these days I'm gonna make my own "switch" ad :P

I don't know what I would switch to/from though lol!

[IronSerif]

It was either last week or the week before, that I ended the funnies with an article about pooping. Might as weel keep the poop mojo going!

Here is another some more important information about pooping! Just another great way to end the funnies :)

HOW TO POOP AT WORK
As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival guide for taking a dump at the office.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be minimized with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.


OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom
with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.


SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper entering your bathroom.


TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or
to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.



Goodnight everyone! :)

[ECA]

Something interesting.
Companies that post Match it adverts. Have products MADE for them. You cant match there products with anything the manufactour has, because its not sold to anyone else.
90% of the time its model, 703A, 703b, but never the madel you can get from the maker as 703. ALL are the same product, with maybe 1 thing changed.
Fun aint it.
Try it, go to a national company and try to match with another company. Only time you may do it is IF, the proce is the same at both places. Remember also that ALOT of companies have more then 1 name anymore. GAP=Old navy.

[IronSerif]

thats same interesting info there bro

[IronSerif]

What's the difference between a smart blonde and
bigfoot?

Maybe someday, we'll find bigfoot.




Why don't blondes eat jello?

Because they can't figure out how to fit the two cups of water into that little package.

[IronSerif]

Here is the second part of "High Tech Computer Sales Jargon - Explained"


RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope....

HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves on.

PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

ALL SOLID-STATE - Heavy as Hell!.

BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise.

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.

SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE - When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound.

NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, maybe this one will work.

MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government auction.

CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from most airports.

UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way.

BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together.

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturers, upon cashing your check.

MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we cant explain.

LATEST AREOSPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing.

[IronSerif]

And you thought the ape dance was some crazy stuff??

Check out the Badger Dance! (http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/)

[IronSerif]

This could definitely make your day...

...or even break it :P

a lil animation of I love you...you're better than ice cream! (http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/ice_cream.htm)

[IronSerif]

I am proud to bring to you...more toilet humor...

Urinal Etiquette (http://www.methodshop.com/fun/bathroom/urinal.stm)

[Archon]

Originally posted by IronSerif
And you thought the ape dance was some crazy stuff??

Check out the Badger Dance! (http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/)
I Hate This.

[IronSerif]

What did the blond say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?

Thanks for the refill, honey.


There were two brunettes in the front of a truck, and three blonds in the back. They rolled off a cliff into the ocean. The brunettes survived, but the blonds died. Why?

They couldn't get the tailgate open.


Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?


Because they go answer the door.

[llbbl]

Bear dance was some funny **** !! You been finding a ton of stuff Iron =)

I liked the iPod stuff too =))

The meatrix wasn't too funy, more informative.

The badger thing kinda drives ya nuts after the 2nd snake.