More Funnies Week of 10-17-04

[IronSerif]

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."

The first man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

[Ioman]

haha that is a good one.

[IronSerif]

IAN! What's up home slice :D



I really like this list:


Why Men Can't Win

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're insensitive.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist pig, you bastard.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around.

[ECA]

That first one is good.

[llbbl]

Well at least Iron is fair in his humor. One post against each gender.

[IronSerif]

Well at least Iron is fair in his humor. One post against each gender.

haha whoops, what was I thinking lol ;)

[IronSerif]

Alright guys, last bit of stuff for the weekend :D




Signs That You're Broke



At communion you go back for seconds.



You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.



You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.



Long distance companies don't call you to switch.



You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice.



McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments.



American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"



Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.



You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

[IronSerif]

Warning Signs That You Need A New Life

Your job requires you to wear a paper hat.

You consider professional wrestling a sport.

You know all the words to the Brady Bunch theme.

You don't buy National Enquirer at the checkout.... you subscribe.

You get unnecessary haircuts, just to have someone run their fingers through your hair.

You believe Oswald acted alone, except for the aliens behind the grassy knoll.

The first four digits of your girl/boyfriend's phone number are 1-900.

You really DO read Playboy/Playgirl for the articles.

You play the accordion.

[IronSerif]

Random Thoughts

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. (lol I like this one)

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?

Corduroy pillows -- they're making headlines!

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Polynesia -- memory loss in parrots.

A good pun is it's own reword.

Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!


Thats it guys, have a good weekend :)

[ECA]

Computer Stuff we REALLY NEED..

[ECA]

Some more..

[ECA]

http://www.truckinginfo.com/news/news-detail.asp?news_id=52924

Annoyed by That Truckstop TV?

10/21/2004
TV-B-Gone is keychain gadget -- much like a car remote -- that can remotely turn off most TV sets.
According to TV-B-Gone distributor, Cornfield Electronics, San Francisco, Calif. the gizmo costs $14.99 and can turn off every model of U.S., Asian and European television. TV-B-Gone is available through the company web site at www.tvbgone.com.
Don’t expect to log on any time soon. TV-B-Gone has received so much publicity this week that the site cannot be reached.
But if you finally get through and acquire one, make sure you’re near a door before using it in a sports bar.

[ECA]

SOUTHERN SAYINGS


These are so funny...just wish I could remember them when needed.

Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."

"This'll jar your preserves."

"Cute as a sack full of puppies."

"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."

"Gooder than grits."

"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."

"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."

"Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

"A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."

"When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."

"If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."

"A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering doo-doo on a marble floor."

"She's uglier than homemade soap."

"Your momma's so fat, when she got on the scales to be weighed, it said 'To be continued'."

"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."

"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"

"I'm just about as welcome at my inlaws as a hair in a biscuit."