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IronSerif
10-26-2004, 09:27 AM
So let me tell you how my day's going so far...I spent all saturday morning and afternoon working on some of the computers here at work cause they were having all kinds of kiniption fits, especially with the networking side.

So anyways I finally got everything working fine and dandy before I left here on saturday. And then I come back to work today and half of the computers are having problems again. So as much as I'd love to stay on here and bum around, I gotta fix the problems that were already fixed lol. grrrr

Ah well, at least someone brought me breakfast today. Can't beat that with a stick

Anyways, Joke time guys. Lets see how your minds function on this one...enjoy :D


A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"

Little Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The teacher had enough. She took Little Johnny to the principal's office. While Little Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Little Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Little Johnny: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Little Johnny: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Little Johnny can go to the third-grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Little Johnny both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Little Johnny: "Legs"

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)

Little Johnny: "Pockets"

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Little Johnny: "Pants"

Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"

(The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Little Johnny: "Coconut"

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Little Johnny: "Bubblegum"

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Little Johnny: "Shake hands"

Teacher: "Now I will ask some '"Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"

Little Johnny: "Yup"

Teacher: you blow me, you feel good"

Little Johnny: "Nose"

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver"

Little Johnny: "Arrow"

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot ofexcitement?"

Little Johnny: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put him in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself.



For at least half of you, all I can say is haha have a better day than I'm having guys :)

bgsports06
10-27-2004, 10:54 AM
thats a good joke.....nice preverted teacher.....i read it in class and i out-bursted laughing.....gotta tell this to the friends to bad its so long though cause ill probly forget it....keep up the good jokes :thumb :thumb

ECA
10-27-2004, 11:35 AM
Yea, good one...

IronSerif
10-28-2004, 07:29 AM
Boss: Johnson, we are giving you a promotion but you have to move to Montreal.

Johnson: Montreal! "Nothing comes from there except hookers and hockey
players!"

Boss: Listen pal, my wife comes from there!

Johnson, without missing a beat replies, "No kidding! What position
does she play?"

IronSerif
10-28-2004, 07:29 AM
A guy and a girl meet at a bar.

They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How
did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"


OOohh thats gotta suck :P

ECA
10-28-2004, 09:09 AM
No, I think he shoulda settled for a Suck...
Then he wouldnt of had to Drill her.
Wouldnt have to fill the cavity, and have it come loose.

IronSerif
10-29-2004, 08:21 AM
lol :P

Well time for some Halloween funnies :)

Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they'll have.
The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) "I'll have a glass of O Positive."
The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of AB Negative."
The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver. I'll just have a glass of plasma."
The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells,

"Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!"

IronSerif
10-29-2004, 08:21 AM
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...


What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...

IronSerif
10-29-2004, 08:22 AM
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have sex with a nun."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: First you have to be single and secondly you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun replies "That's okay, my name's Julian and this is just my Halloween costume!"


I'll try to stop in throughout the day or tomorrow morning afternoon. But if I don't, have a good and safe halloween weekend. Don't party too much!

ECA
10-29-2004, 05:21 PM
Hmmmmmmm,,,