Comic

[ECA]

http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/umedia/20050323/cp.31cc51d38bdb35f70d920de1cf2c9c22

[IronSerif]

joke time!


John had lived a long life and now that he was retired, he wanted nothing more to do than to sit on his front porch every day and study people as they walked past.

The first day he sat out on his porch, he noticed a lovely young blonde next door coming out of her house and looking inside her mailbox. The blonde closed the mailbox with a very confused look on her face and walked back inside.

The next day at about the same time, John noticed the lovely young blonde coming out of her house and checking inside her mailbox again. This time, the blonde slammed the mailbox shut a little harder and said under her breath, "damn it!".

The third day, John again sees the lovely young blonde coming out of her house and looking inside her mailbox. This time, the blonde explodes in a fury of anger and starts to beat the hell out of the mailbox, cursing and swearing the entire time.

John, being concerned, jumps up and runs over to see if he can offer help to the lovely young blonde. "Miss, what's a matter? Is everything o.k.?", he says.

The blonde replies, "oh, it's this stupid new computer I got...it keeps telling me that I've got mail"

[IronSerif]

I had NO idea where this joke was going when I started reading it...but for some reason I found it very hilarious ;)


A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule."

The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?."

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "OK, you old coot! now, it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "No I give up, you can have the duck.

[ECA]

First one remoinds me ALOT of some ppl i know...
Second one remoinds me of the AREA I live in..