Joke of the Day: 05-27-05

[IronSerif]

:rotfl Well crew, yesterday was my official graduation from UMBC. I guess thats supposed to symbolize my entrance into the "real" world or whatever, and unfortunately it's not some reality show that'll air on MTV or the WB lol. But I still haven't found a real job in my field...so I guess i'll keep on hammering monster.com and careerbuilder.com and whatever else flies my way.


Before I move on, I just want to thank my entire family and all of my friends for their support and helping me get through college. It was a long crazy road lol

And so while I finish up my bowl of Cap'n Crunch...it's Joke time! Enjoy :D



A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed."

The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed."

Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied "they're still up in bed."

The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "what gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?" The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."


ewww

[IronSerif]

lol this last ones cute and funny in a way..just read it all the way through :)


In The Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, And darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."

And so God created Man in His own image - Male and female - He Created them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit. And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would Live long and healthy lives.

And so the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained five pounds.

And so God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure.

But the Devil brought forth chocolate and Woman gained five pounds. And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And God said, "Why doth thou eatest thus? I have sent thee heart-Healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

But the Devil brought forth chicken fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 more pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And so God brought forth running shoes. And Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.

And so God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.

And the Devil looked upon this and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance.

So God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice.

And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body, while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz.

And Man gained another 10 pounds.

And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva chocolate, and upon returning, asked Man, "Do I look fat?"

And the Devil said, "Always tell the truth."

And Man did. And Woman went out from the presence of Man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, East of the marriage counselor.

And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."



Well crew time to try and be productive. For anyone else who is graduation congratulations, and for everyone else...good luck ;) Take care guys and hope everyone enjoys their Memorial Weekend! :D